Canada’s Waddle of Fame

On Saturday, my lovely friend Sara and I went to Canada’s Walk of Fame which was pretty fun. Sara works for them and she graciously asked if I wanted to be her date (read: I found out her boyfriend couldn’t go so I invited myself).

When I got there she was working the ticket tent on the red carpet so I got to watch all the celebrities get out of their fancy cars and walk down the red carpet. That was fun. But you know what was funner? (real word). Watching all the insanely rich people do their thing. It’s fun to be in a place where the ratio of real body parts to fake ones is astounding and the girl’s dress beside me costs more than my rent (Apparently if I didn’t know Sara, I would have had to pay $1,500 for tickets). The ceremony although slightly boring had some interesting parts. I used to constantly make fun of Nikki Yanovsky’s crazy psycho eyes (the girl who sang the Canadian Olympic song) but I will no longer as she is the most talented person I’ve ever heard live. Maybe not the coolest or the most inspiring, but she has completely raw talent just falling out of her.

Also, Burton Cummings performed (shhh it’s a surprise!). I will not lie. I had no idea who he was. But he sang real nice.

After the ceremony we all got on buses that shipped us over to the Allstate Centre where the gala was being held. This is where I saw everyone asking Sara if everything was to her satisfaction and seeing Dave Foley and Luba Goy (from Air Farce) address her by name and whatnot because she was running the shit!!! I was so proud. I had a little tear.

We ate a delicious dinner with a delicious dessert and helped out with the auction (I never knew people could spend so much money with one careless wave of a hand…) and we drank blue cocktails and rubbed elbows with fancy folks. I kept waiting for the “right time” to talk to people like Nelly Furtado and Sarah Polley but before I knew it, they had disappeared into the night like a Cinderella E! True Hollywood story and I never got the chance to say hello. Which is probably for the best considering the time I told Amanda Bynes specifically that I had NOT put a roofie in the drink I had just bought her causing her to politely refuse my offer. I should always just watch famous people from afar.

Comedians were hired to entertain the guests as they were shipped to the gala. Next time, hire me. I will be 1,000 times funnier than the one we got. Also, I won’t be drunk (well not as drunk as he was anyway). And I won’t yell into the bus speaker system just for the fun of it.

Heels. By the end of the night, Sara and I were both waddling due to inability to walk like humans anymore.

Sara!! Thanks for inviting me to a special fancy night! I know there are a million people who couldn’t give a turd about getting dressed up and pretending to be a classy lady in a sparkly, dreamy room, but I DO! And I loved it.

2 thoughts on “Canada’s Waddle of Fame

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